Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Over sensitive?

I have the tendency to be oversensitive to other people's actions. I can over think an odd look until I run it into the ground. There are things I said 20 years ago that I wish I hadn't, and still think about. I am not talking about world-shattering events, either.

I was on a friend's new blog this morning. There is a list of blogs she reads, nothing new, most blogs have this. Mine is not there. Ok, maybe she forgot about it. But then, doesn't that mean that she doesn't read this blog? This is a pretty frivolous blog, I'll admit. Does everything have to be about something? Does she think I am frivolous? Should I deepen the blog? I had considered bible commentary. How about my crafts? Well, I never really finish much, and I am certainly not up to selling anything online. My crafts are more frivolous hobbies. Should I put in politics? There is no way I could keep up with what is already out there, and I don't really want to, either. Why would someone I thought was a good friend not read my blog? What does she think of me at all? Does she think of me at all? Are we actually friends? Does she just put up with me when she has to? Do I really have any friends in this city, even after living here for almost 4 years? Why don't I have any friends? Maybe it is because I am not a productive member of society, children being an investment that doesn't pay off for decades. Do I even have friends in other cities? Most ties have been cut. There are a few, but not many.

I just don't fit in much of anywhere outside this house. Even with my family, and ESPECIALLY with my in-laws. Who the heck am I anyway? What kind of person doesn't fit in anywhere, even in her own family, church, home school group, or college?

Anyway, that is the way my morning has gone. I need to go focus on something else before I get any lower into this funk.

1 comment:

Belinda said...

Some people are just bad about keeping up with links, unfortunately - I do have yours linked to mine, though I admittedly am very bad about even reading blogs lately. Not because I don't care about my friends, but because there are always ten zillion irons in the fire at any given time....